Life with 2..

As I sit here after getting Lyla to bed, cleaning up dinner and the kitchen, folding a load of laundry, and now watching my new baby sleep..I'm full of a whole bunch of mixed emotions. Life with two kids has really thrown me for a loop. Don't get me wrong..I LOVE my kids, more than anything in the whole world. But its hard. Having one kid was a hard adjustment because everything is so new, but when its your second I kinda thought "hey, I can do this..I've done it before!" wrong. Everything is so much harder because now there are 2 to take care of.. 2 to make sure are fed..2 to make sure have clean diapers.. 2 to make sure got baths before bed.. 2 to keep alive.. and 2 to drive me mad :) Lyla was and is my princess. When Tommy was in paramedic school all last year he was gone A LOT which meant it was always just me and her. She was my little shadow and we were always together. Therefore she got spoiled and always had my attention. I got lucky and feel like she has always been a pretty sweet kid, was very polite, played well with others, and slept amazing! Then came Trig.. Now i'm having to figure out how to split my time and attention to make everyone happy.. Lyla acts out more often..her naps for the most part suck.. and I feel like shes just bored. Then there's Trig who is always eating or wanting to be held or needing to be rocked and put to sleep. I feel like I'm in survival mode. and I hate it. I've turned into the "NO" monster and it breaks my heart. All day I feel like all I say to Lyla is no.. don't do this, don't do that, stop, no, don't, leave, later... no no no.. It just makes me feel like such a horrible mom. Because 2 months ago I gave her all the time and attention in the world..and 2 months ago I wouldn't be yelling at her for what she does now because I had more patience to deal with it and talk to her about it instead of just snapping. I don't know how people do it and look like they have it all together. Especially the ones with 3 and 4 kids.. I applaud you! I feel like for me, adding a third won't be as hard.. although they will now outnumber you.. at least there are 2 that have each other to play with and keep each other company..and now you have already done the add another and hopefully have a better understanding of how to manage your time and sanity. Who knows..maybe we will just be a family of 4 ;) jk mom!  But then there's also the hubs. I miss him! He works all the time and when hes actually home I feel like I still don't see him because one or both of the kids need my attention..(or I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for a little bit.. jk..kinda..) It amazes me that we have made such perfect, beautiful babies, but I also really miss having him all to myself! I am not trying to complain because I am so grateful for my life and for my kids and for the opportunity that heavenly Father has blessed me with to raise such sweet spirits and the opportunity Tommy has given me to stay home with them and raise them..just tell me it gets easier..please?! :)